Four Months

My little man,

Four months. You are four months old today. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the fact that you are growing so very fast. Each and every day holds a new memory and something just a little bit different than the day before. Every morning you look just a little bit different and to be completely honest, sometimes it make me sad. Because we will never have yesterday's you again. But then I get excited for the things to come and how many new adventures that our life with you will hold. I have a feeling if we are enjoying the now, we will really enjoy the tomorrows we will have with you.

This month has held so many milestones for you little man. It seems as though you make a new discovery ever single day. You are still rubbing your eyes when you are tired. But more than last month. Now it is a clear sign that its time for a nap. You also started cutting teeth this month. Which resulted in non stop chewing of the fingers and a never ending amount of drool. Thats been fun. And of course, in true Malachi style, you are getting your two front teeth first, even though most babies start on the bottom. They are almost all the way through the gums as of today so we should have some teethers within a week or two. You will be the cutest little beaver in town. I will surely miss that gummy little smile though. Its the smile that stole my heart. I dont know that anything will ever top that. But I bet I will say the same thing about your little tooth filled smile. I just havent seen it yet :)

You also started rolling this month!!! It has been a big deal. You would think we were cheering on an Olympic team or something every time you roll and we are looking. But you have a tendency to roll over every time you are playing on your blanket and I am making dinner or doing the dishes or something and all of sudden we hear your tummy time grunts and you are facing a different direction completely and are on your belly. You roll from back to belly most of the time but you have made it from your belly to your back a few times too. Either way, we are so impressed with you little guy.

You have become to interactive this month. You laugh like crazy and at just about anything. You love playing peekaboo and you also love to dance or to watch us dance around and make complete fools of ourselves. You love to talk too. You will have conversations with us and will just babble away at just about anything. You love talking to your friends too.  You use your hands to express yourself and you love trees. Like love love them. You will sit and stare out the window forever if we let you and you love to go outside and look at them. You have outgrown your kick and play mat which made us sad, but you can hold up your own head now so you are loving your exersaucer. You spin yourself all the way around and play with each toy as  you go. You have this sense of wonder in your eyes all the time. Everything is an exploration with you. And we love to watch you learn and grow. Seeing the world through your eyes is truly a magical experience. 

Your favorite toys this month have definitely still been Pluto and Duffy, but we added an exciting brightly colored ball to the mix as well as your teething monkey cocoa. We just love watching you play. You hold your head up like a champ so the bumbo has been a fun addition to our day too. You love being independent. So being able to sit up on your own has been great for you.

We also started feeding you cereal this month! You stopped sleeping through the night quite as well as you had been and so we started giving you some little man oatmeal and you love it! You eat it off the spoon like a champ and usually do some yelling for more :) We go for your 4 month well visit on tuesday night and we will get a schedule of introducing some more awesome foods to you. We really cant wait for that :)

You also had your first 4th of July yesterday. You loved all of it. We had you dressed so very cute for your first parade, complete with a baseball hat and everything. You looked so stinking cute. You sat through the parade like a champ and you spent the day playing and laughing with all of us. You even loved the fireworks that night! We sat in the hatch of our car so that the noise wasnt as loud for you, but you watched all the colors and that noise didnt scare you at all. You really are the best baby around.

You bring more joy to our lives then we ever thought possible. Each and every day is a new adventure and we love to watch you grow and change with every single day that passes. You are so full of greatness and your eyes hold so much wonder. Every time you look at me or you snuggle in to my chest and love me the way that no one else could, something inside me comes alive. I have found my purpose in having you Malachi. You have given my life, and your dad's life this whole new meaning and without you we wouldnt know what life was for us anymore. You have given us such a precious gift in just being you. Never ever change. 

You are our whole world. And we love you so very much. We want so much for you. Never forget that. 

All my love,

Your mama

Three months

My little man,

I really cannot believe that I am sitting here writing to you again. You are three months old today. Where has the time gone, little guy?

Currently you are sound asleep on Uncle Jonfin's bed, sucking on your binky and listening to your favorite white noise app on my phone. Your dad and I have gotten so used to that sound we honestly don't even hear it anymore. haha. But you love it and you sleep so very sweetly to it. Im thankful that we have it.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much you have grown this month. You look like my baby now. Not my newborn. You have gotten so very tall and have filled out so nicely. At your two month well visit you weighed 12lbs 10.4oz. I would say you are closer to 14 or 15 at this point. You are growing out of your three month clothes like crazy and the majority of your wardrobe is now 6-9 month clothes. Slow down kid. Your dad and I can't keep up with buying you all new stuff! haha

You are consistently sleeping through the night now, which we love a lot haha. You will sleep from 10:30ish until 6 or 7 am and only wake a few times for your binky. Sometime you surprise us and go until 8 or 9. But that doesnt happen all that often. We also moved you to your crib last week! You werent sleeping so well in your pack n play anymore and were getting too heavy for the elevated add on, so we figured it was time to move you on up! It worked out well because I had gotten your bedding stuff on sale last month so we were ready to go! Daddy put it all together for you and made sure you are safe and sound when you are sleeping. You sleep so well in there and you look so good with all your Mickey stuff. You really seem to like it.

Speaking of Mickey, you have fallen in love with him this month! The bedding I bought for you is Mickey Mouse with a giant M in the middle, because M is for Malachi! And I got you the Mickey, Goofy, Donald and Pluto stuffed toys to go with it! You love laying and playing with them. You also love, love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Its on Disney Junior around the time that you get up each morning and so I put it on for you while you drink your morning bottle and sometimes you smile so big at it that your bottle falls out of your mouth.

You have become so much more aware this month. You can recognize faces and voices. You follow things across the room with your eyes. You know when I am holding you as apposed to someone else. You cry for attention more than you have in the last few months and you have become so much more interactive. You play with your toys and you know which ones are your favorites. You still love your Deer Lovie and you have really taken to your stuffed Pluto. Because you are so much better with holding on to things and playing you also really love Duffy this month. Like a lot. You also started holding and shaking your own rattle this month. And you get the biggest kick out of the sound it makes. You also love when I use your little feet and ninja kick your dad's face with them. You will giggle and giggle.

You are also officially holding up your head on your own. When you are on your tummy you will hold it up and just stare at things and if we sit you up and hold you under your arms you can give us a good five minutes before you are ready for a break. We have been so proud of your milestones this month.

You have also really taken to putting everything, and I mean everything, in your mouth. Toys, hard or stuffed, your fist, my arm. lol. You will just suck away. You really love sucking on your fist. So that along with the drooling are oh so much fun haha!! And you talk so much more. You have really found your voice. You will laugh out loud now and you will have conversations with us with those adorable little noises. I can't wait to hear what you will have to say...

Your little personality has exploded this month. You are so smiley. You love love love to kick and play and smile at just about everything and everyone. You are so curious. You will stare at something new for a few minutes and never look away. I think you get that from your daddy. You also flirt with the ladies now haha. You do this little smile shoulder shrugg thing that melts my heart every time. You will mimic faces and you giggle now. A rolling giggle. Its my favorite sound in the world I think. Aside from hearing your dad tell me he loves me... that giggle wins for sure.

You also took your first road trip this past weekend! We made it all the way to Washington DC, met your Auntie Bekah and Aunt Ashe and Uncle Aric and stayed in a hotel! We had so much fun exploring the city with you and you were such a good boy. You travel much better during times when you normally sleep, so thats a good lesson learned, but you really did great buddy. And your aunts and uncle were so excited to finally meet you!

Malachi you are so incredible. Each and every day is a new adventure with you. The wonder in your eyes shows me the beauty in this world and its because of you that I have a purpose each day when I get up and each night that I go to sleep. The love that I have for you is unexplainable. I never knew that I could love someone so deeply. You have stolen my heart little boy. And I wouldnt have it any other way.

You are growing so fast, little man. Each day you look just a little different than the day before. Sometimes it makes me sad, but then I think of all the fun that lies ahead of us and I can't hardly wait to experience each stage of your beautiful little life. There is so much adventure out there waiting for us. Let's find it together buddy.

Happy Three Months, my little one.

All my love,
Your Mama

You are worth every mark, every scar.

Pregnancy was not easy on my body. Its not easy on anyone's body I suppose.

 

We started this journey nearly a year ago and since then my body has gone from what I once recognized as my size 6 self to a vague resemblance of what it once was. You see, I was extremely sick my first 13 weeks. And after trying everything on the planet to make the sickness stop, we discovered that psi bands and eating constantly were the only two things that worked. Well, when your body adjusts to eating that much and your hormones are having a party, that habit sticks around for the nine months and 1 week that that small human is growing on the inside of you. I was also blessed with my mother's genes and I carry like a torpedo off of the front of me. In the 41 and a half weeks that I was pregnant, I stretched more than I thought was humanly possible. I have that amazing skin that likes to show its elasticity through those beautiful stretch marks and now it seems when I look in the mirror, I see a shadow of what my body once was.

In one year I have gained 70 lbs and have lost 37.

Malachi; (noun) - messenger of God

That in and of it self, makes it all worth it.

Labor was a miserable experience. After 54 hours of painful inconsistent contractions, a night of constant monitoring and a baby that liked to run from the monitors, an induction that hurt so bad I sincerely thought I might die, an epidural and a baby that didn't respond well to Pitocin, a husband who kept all of the terrifying things happening around me a secret and stretched the truth just enough to keep me calm, and an emergency c-section, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

And in the moment, it was all worth it.

Recovery after a c-section is a painful experience. I couldn't even lift my legs to wash my feet in the shower for the first two weeks. I had never been more humbled to ask for help in my entire life as I was in the weeks following my delivery. My husband has been my hero since the day I met him, but when Malachi was born, I realized why. I was sore, and tired, I was still nursing and felt the faint shadow of postpartum depression creeping up on me. But when that little face looked up at me and smiled that gummy, beautiful little smile, I remembered what my body had just done.

 

And I remembered why it was all worth it.

My body is a constant reminder that I am powerful beyond words. I did something so miraculous and so amazing. I created life. So when I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself, or I wish I could fit into at least something resembling cute or fashionable, I just remind myself of the beauty that I just created and I go where I go with confidence. Because when I look into that little boys eyes, I am so reminded of the beauty that I posses. Not so long ago, we were one. Mine was the first voice that he ever knew, my heart beat was the first sound he recognized. I am his whole world.

And that right there makes it all worth it.

So these stretch marks that line my stomach and my thighs aren't scars, they are bragging rights to the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. One mark for every kick and tumble and roll. One mark for every hiccup. One mark for every day that I held you so very close to my heart.

More than worth it.

This pouch of skin on my stomach isn't an inconvenience, it was once home to my precious little boy. It kept him warm and it kept him safe from the world until my arms could do so. This scar that stretches across my belly isn't something to be embarrassed of. It is how my body made way for my precious Malachi to come into this world. My stomach may still look 5 months pregnant and my maternity jeans may still be the only ones that fit, but when those little eyes look up at me and that little cry tells me that I am his whole world and that he depends on me for each and every thing that he needs?

In that moment, its all worth it.

Malachi, you are worth every mark, every scar. You are worth it. You are worth it all.

So to all you moms out there that look in the mirror and don't like what you see staring back, remember that your body is a beautiful thing and that you are powerful. Your body created life. And one day, your body will resemble what it once was. Just remember that your precious baby thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You are their first love. Their safe place. You're are more than enough.

You are worth more than you know.

Two months...

My precious little man,

So today you are a whole two months old. I cannot even believe that I am saying that. You are growing so fast, but so very perfectly. The difference that a month makes is crazy to me. You are just getting so stinking big!

Your personality has exploded this month. You have become so interactive. Your smile has made itself known (except when Im trying to get a picture of it. Then its non existent)! And it is the cutest and most precious thing in the entire world. You smile in response to being smiled at. Mornings are your most smiley time of day. You wake up in just the happiest of moods. You lay in your bed and stare at your mobile and just coo and smile the morning away. Coming over to greet you each morning is my favorite time of day. That little face knows me so well. And it melts my heart. Your smile is contagious.

You have found your voice! You just coo and giggle like crazy. Your actual laugh started just in the last three days. But you get so excited and that little laugh just comes out plain as day. That giggle reminds me of whats actually important in life. But as much as you giggle, man can you cry. Those little lungs sure do work good. You are such an easy baby, unless your hungry or gassy. Then we know you're there and there is no ignoring you. Not at all. We love Gripe Water this month. And rides in the car. Both have saved our butts on several occasions.

You found your hand. Just the right one. And you chew on it. You sometimes prefer it to your binky. You also kick your feet up in to the fetal position and just kind of chill there. Its pretty stinking adorable. You still sleep with your hands above your hear or directly out to the sides of you. The swaddling season has well past. Im not sad about it. It means you can sleep anywhere and doing pretty much anything. You definitely got my feet. You can pinch with your toes. I think its cute. Your future wife will hate it ;)

You also stick your tongue out now. You will play with us with your new trick. We stick our tongue out at you and you'll do it right back.  That tongue is accompanied by a lot of drool and spit bubbles. As gross as it sounds, its adorable.

You take playing very seriously. There is no half way with you my man. You get that from your daddy. You still love that kick and play piano mat. It sure does get some great use. To whoever bought that for us, thank you haha! But you will just kick and play with your friends for hours at a time. You play with the most intense little look on your face. Your mat has a mirror in the center of it and you have discovered your reflection. I dont think you have a clue that you are looking at yourself in that mirror, but you know its a baby in there. If we ask you where that baby is, you will look right in the mirror and smile :)

You love colors this month. Everything about colors. If its bright you will stare at it very intently, You can tell that your little mind is just trying so hard to figure out what the heck you are looking at. You also love to stare at pictures. You are beginning to recognize people and their voices. Your eyesight has also gotten so good! You follow people as they walk across a room and if you hear something you look right in the direction its coming from. You are so smart it just blows me away sometimes. Your favorite toy this month is definitely your Deer lovie. It is the cutest little blanket attached to a stuffed deer that Uncle Jonfin bought you last Christmas. You hold on to that thing so tight when you nap in your carseat. It melts my heart.

You are beautiful, Malachi. Everything about you. You are so gentle. You love being talked to softly, and you love being held. You just melt into me and my heart just about explodes. Those bright blue eyes can see right through you. They see things that we can only dream about. You have your daddy's smile, and you sometimes cry just because you want to know someone's there. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. You are worth every second of those 54 hours of labor. I would do it again tomorrow if I had to.

Malachi, you are called to such greatness. Your name means messenger of God. And I believe with everything in me that that is exactly what you are going to be. You will help to heal the hurting and the sick. You will show people the love of Jesus, and not by saying a word. Just by being the sweet, soft, gentle person that you are. And I promise when the time comes, I will let you go. Because the world needs you just as much as I do. I promise that I will raise you to be a Godly man who will love Jesus every day of his life. And more than anything, I promise to always be your friend. Nothing you do will ever make me love you less.

You are my favorite person in this world. Never forget that. I love you, little boy.

All my love,
Mama

One Month...

My sweet, sweet Malachi,

I cannot even believe that you are one month old today. The last 4 weeks have gone so very quickly and you have changed so very much. But the image of your little face is forever burned into my mind.

As I sit here writing this letter to you, you are fast asleep on your playmat, all played out. That face you make when you sleep takes my breath away every time. Sitting here I cannot believe that God gave me you. I dont know what I did to deserve it, but I have never been more thankful for something in my life

You getting here was an experience to say the very least. You knew how you wanted to come and thats exactly how you came. And you came with that incredible little smile on your face and those aware little eyes. And from that very first moment, you had stolen my heart and ran away with it. When we found out that we were having a boy I was terrified because I know nothing about little boys. I had no idea how I was going to figure you out and relate to you. But oh my, little man, I couldnt imagine our life any other way. I want to spend every minute with you. And I can't wait to see what adventures we will find together. You're my best buddy.

You have the most beautiful baby skin. And it smells just to perfectly baby. You have this adorable baby acne on your face. It started on your forehead and has made its way down to your eyelids and your cheeks. Youve had a blocked tearduct for the last week or so we have to have Dr. Golden check that one out. You're hair is this precious golden blonde color, and it sticks straight up off of your head. Its the cutest thing. You're eyes are bright blue and can see straight through you. I really cannot wait to hear all about the things that you see.

You are so very strong. You have been holding your head up for a few seconds on your own since you were 3 days old. You love holding our fingers and the last few days you have started grabbing on to my shirt when I hold you. You are so very active. You love your kick and play mat. You have figured out how to kick your legs and you play music on your piano. You love to play.

You make the best faces. You cross your eyes and you love to stare at me and your daddy. You recognize our voices and it might be the most precious thing in the world. You love to listen to your daddy sing. And you are so aware of music and sounds. You sleep so much better to music and sounds than you do without them.

You love to eat. We made the switch from nursing to formula about a week and half ago. And it was quite the adjustment. You spent your first night in the emergency room because your belly just really didnt like the new formula we started with. But we have slowly gotten the hang of it. We have gotten back up to the times and amounts that you should be having at this age so that is a major accomplishment. We are loving the bottle feedings though. It has been so nice to just be able to go out and feed you when you are hungry. Figuring out how to heat them up when we are out has been a major task though. We are getting the hang of it all though. No worries. You will always be fed my little one. Always.

You have found your voice over the last two weeks. You know how to cry very very loudly haha. But that little voice of yours says so much. You have such a precious personality and we are so in love with you, my precious Malachi.

You are such a blessing to us and you will never know what you and your beautiful little self means to us. We have waited and prayed for you my little man, and you are more than we could have ever hoped or prayed for. You have such a very big call on your life, my little prophet, and we are so excited to see where this life takes you. But don't grow up too fast. We need every single minute with you, to build memories and to remember your little face by. I cannot wait to see what adventures your little life will hold and all the adventures we will find together. I never knew that my heart could love something so very much. You are our favorite person in the whole wide world. Never forget that.

All my love,
Your Mama