I only hope we never return to sleep.

Everyone everywhere is talking about the tragedy that occurred this weekend in Newtown, Connecticut. People are all speculating about how something this horrific could possibly happen. Gun control is the answer. Taking God out of schools is the reason. Sometimes bad things happen to good people is the logic. But for me, none of these speculations are good enough. None of them make this make anymore sense than it did before. Now, Im not writing about this particular topic because I want to weigh in my opinion, because honestly, the reason why died along with the shooter that day. I am writing because years from now when I look back on all the things that I have written, and I look at the life I was living over these years, I want to remember this event. Because whether or not we want to admit it, this event is now a part of our history. It is a part of who we are as people, and as a nation.

On Friday afternoon, I was creeping on Facebook, as is included in my daily routine at least once, I started seeing all of the Facebook updates about the tragic shooting at an elementary school. My heart sank at the thought of it, so I began googling the topic and the news was true. 20 babies and 6 teachers had been tragically killed at a primary school outside of Hartford, Connecticut. My eyes welled up with tears and I decided to get out of the house to wrap my head around it. I called my mom who hadnt heard about it yet and we cried together at the events that had occurred. My mom and I both work with children on a daily basis, her being a preschool teacher/daycare owner and my being a dance teacher. We both teach kids the same age as these precious children that lost their lives that day and I said to my mom, "Who shoots a kid? Who could find it inside of them to pull the trigger on a terrified, little kid?" I just cried. For the pain that those parents must have felt, for the shock that they have to live with, for the kids who saw their friends die that day, for the parent that has to explain to their 6 year old why someone did this. "All they did was send their kid to school that morning. They don't deserve that." My heart ached.

That night I went to dress rehearsal for my company's Christmas show and it just happened that the girls would be performing at an elementary school for their annual breakfast with Santa. Walking into that school that night was an erie feeling. It honestly made me a little claustrophobic. One of the other teachers arrived to numerous hugs and when I had the chance to talk to her, I learned that she is from a town just outside of Newtown and that this tragedy hit more than close to home for her. One of their family friends lost a child that day. My heart sank even more at that moment. All of my students came running up to me freaking out over slipping on the stage and their hair not being pinned just right and they had no idea what had happened that day. But I knew and I hugged all of them just a little bit tighter that night as I pinned their hair and hairsprayed their tap shoes to prevent them from slipping. Every little face is a memory for me. Every one of them is a piece of my story. Because I never know how many more tomorrow's I will have with those children.

This situation hit me harder than most do, but honestly I don't think any of us will ever be able to make sense of it. God didnt cause this to happen. He was there through all of it. He held each one of those baby's hands as he led them into eternity with him. He hugged those teachers and thanked them for protecting his children, and his hand was on every family that lost someone that day. My husband and I talked about it over dinner this weekend and he made an amazing point when he said that we are all born into sin. When Adam and Eve hid from God in the garden, they opened the door for tragedy to happen and bad things to happen to good people. We are all human, and by nature we fall short. That man was not in his right mind when he made those choices and killed those innocent people, and those people were not deserving of death, but because we are human, death is a part of life. It happens even when we dont deserve it to. God didnt cause it, its just in our nature.

Bad things happen. And they hurt all of us. No parent ever deserves to lose a child. So we as a nation mourn with those parents. But it is not our job to try and figure out why it happened. It is our job to be the nation that we were created to be and to stand up for those families. To help them through this time in their lives and to remember what we were founded on. This tragedy serves as a wake up call to America. One that is calling us to move forward as a nation and to be the land that we were created to be. One that stands together in the face of tragedy. One that has each other's backs. One that can depend on a neighbor or a stranger in a time of tragedy or need. 

In light of the Christmas season, I pray that on Christmas morning as we are surrounded by our loved ones and for many of us, our children, that we think of those families in Newtown, Connecticut whose family is a little smaller that morning. The ones who are mourning the loss of a child who was taken before their time. And I pray that as a nation, we see the need for a return to our roots. To the God that our nation was founded on. That we stop killing each other. That we stop tearing each other down. That we will truly wake up and see what we as a nation have created and turn the other way. And I can only hope, that as a nation, we never return to sleep. 

Until next time...