So today's post is another one of those just because posts. But its something thats been on my mind a lot lately. So I figured I would share it with the world. Or at least the very small portion of the world that actually reads what I write on here. And if no one happens to read this one, then at least I have it written down that years from now I can flip back through my blog and find this post and remember exactly what God was showing me at this time in my life.
Lately, I've been thinking about family. And what it truly means to be a family. Ive recently inherited a new family, whom I love very very much, and I treasure the time that I get to spend with them because we are becoming a family. We are learning the ins and outs of each other's lives. Whether its through an intense game of 20 questions via facebook messages, or over the phone exchanging vegan recipes, or roadtrips to visit Marme and Mr. Ray :) getting to know them is some kind of crazy journey for me. Because not only am I getting to know them, but they are getting to know me. And being the shy, quiet person that I am, its a whole new kind of balance, remembering to be myself and let them see who I truly am, while getting to know them. So for this new family of mine, being a family means time. It means getting to know one another on a truly deep and personal level. It means learning to love someone from the inside out. And it is one incredible journey.
And then there is my family. The ones that I have known my entire life and have never truly had to get to know because they are the ones that have helped me to become who I am today. Now Im not just talking about my immediate family. Mama, Daddy, Jonathan. While they are incredible and they are the very foundation of who I am, Im also talking my extended family. The Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, the ones that make life interesting. As I sat here this afternoon watching the rough cut of our wedding video for about the thousandth time, I really began to think about my family and what we have gone through over the years. There's a particular shot in this video where you see my dad and I walking down the aisle from the side and as the camera follows us down the aisle you can see all of my extended family pass by one by one. Aunt Kitty, Uncle Bob, Aunt Shirley, Jenna, Aunt JoLynn. All the cousins. Fairy Godmother. They are all there. And with each one that passed by I caught myself watching them instead of my dad and I. And with each face there was string of memories that ran through my mind along with it. Holidays, Birthdays, Graduations, other weddings, Christmas Eve's. The bad times ran through my mind as well. The times when family didn't really make sense to me. The times when I wasnt sure what I had done wrong, but I knew that something just wasnt right. The family arguments of stupid stuff that no one should truly care about because all of us knows that if we woke up tomorrow and one of us was gone our lives would never be the same. I began to think about how we hold each other together. I remembered the day that my Aunt Kitty looked me in eyes for the very first time and told me she loved me, and I knew that she actually meant it. I remembered doing gymnastics shows in Grandma Mary's living room with Krista and feeling so unbelievably important because she asked me to play with her. I saw Uncle Kevin and missed him so much my heart could hardly stand it. I miss seeing him smile. I remember Aunt JoLynn showing up for my football games to watch me cheer. How my Aunt Shirley baked dozens of cookies for my wedding. How every one of those family members drove 8 hours to see me get married. How my cousin Danielle looked me in the eyes during my bridal dance and told me that she was proud of me. That my cousin Michelle looked at me during that same bridal dance and told me that I lived a life I should be proud of because not many girls could truly stand there that day wearing white and deserve to do so. If she only knew that I made it that far in my life because of her. I remembered playing house with both of them in my playroom with I was about 7, and wondered where the time went. I looked at Jackie, and the memories couldn't stop. Making my costumes for my musicals, keeping me at your house for 10 days while my brother was in the hospital, showing up for everything important in my life. Walking into the bridal room that morning and signing the inside of my shoe because she remembered that at one time she had seen me post something on facebook about having my bridal party sign my shoe. Showing up for my second reception with a three tier cake, and a memory box birthday present full of stuff she had collected from our wedding. I looked at my dad with that broken little smile on his face and made him promise me that he would always be home. That no matter how much things were changing, that I could still always call him daddy, crawl up in his lap and know I was safe. I looked at my brother and our lives flashed before my eyes. The fights, the play times, the Christmas mornings of waking mom and dad up at 4 am only to be told to go back to bed. I looked at him and myself and was in awe of who we had become. Who I had become because of him. And I looked at my Mama. That incredible woman who has given up everything she ever wanted or dreamed of so that I could have. I looked at my best friend and I had never been more grateful for the fact that when I look in the mirror each day I see a reflection of her staring back at me.... And as I sit here today pouring through these memories in my mind, I can honestly say that I know what it means to have a family. One that isn't perfect. One that has it's flaws. One that fights over stupid stuff. One that cries together, One that laughs together. We are a bit of a mess sometimes, but we have something so incredible special. We are a family. And that is one thing that can never ever be taken from us. No matter where this life takes me. No matter where we all end up, I know where my home is. I know that I will always have a safe place to go back to. Because of these people I know who I am.
Family is just one of those things that can never be truly defined. It has to be felt. It has to be learned. It has to be home. And I have that. So today... Im thankful for my family. or Families I should say. And for the fact that God loves me enough to allow these amazing people to love me. I am truly a blessed person.
I hope you've enjoyed this Morris Moment... until next time.
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